Manweekend

The Accu-ManWeatherâ„¢ Satellite Report is in for this weekend from our ManWeatherâ„¢ Headquarters in Delaware.

I’ve been watching the weather up in Highgate Springs and I’m pleased to report that the weather will be fucking awesome during Man Weekend.

This, in turn, means that fishing will suck…so bring extra beer.

-Mike

Thanks Mike!

Prepare yourselves for this year’s Manweekend 11.

Goes to 11

Never, in the history of weekends, has the blockbuster summer season been so eagerly awaited.

The latest sequel of the wildly popular series Man Weekend is scheduled to be released to cottages throughout Highgate Springs on June 5, 2008 and is projected to open to unparalleled crowds and rave reviews.

For the first and only time Man Weekend has been rated X by the Man Weekend Association of America (MWAA). The unprecedented X rating was awarded for the following reasons:

• EXcessive numbers of Men show up.
• The weather is eXpected to be perfect.
• The food is eXtraordinary (in quantity and quality).
• The lake is full of eXtra big fish¹.
• EXtreme amounts of beer are consumed.
• The boats all run eXcellently.
• Minors are not allowed to attend.

Clearly, Man Weekend X is an event that must be experienced live and in person. You will not achieve the same satisfying Sunday morning feeling² by watching the DVD. Don’t miss out on the real thing!

Footnotes:

¹Whether we catch any remains to be seen.
²Tired, sunburned, dehydrated, slightly hungover, and heartburn.

Although the archives only date back to 1999 due to organizational issues and privacy concerns, this year marks the 10 Year Anniversary of Manweekend. As this is a very special celebration, all present and former Manweekend participants are encouraged to attend.

Announcement

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!¹

Know now by these presents² that all Men are hereby
summoned to Highgate Springs to attend Man Weekend 2005 on the
weekend of June 11-12. Be ye noble³ or mobile⁴,
quality⁵ or common⁶, Man Weekend is a time when
Men of all stations gather together in joyous celebration of those
interests⁷ that all Men share regardless of class or
distinction.

The date for Man Weekend is chosen in a solemn ceremony when the
Senior Men⁹ retreat to a remote Indian lodge, strip off
their clothes, and spend the next several hours practicing smoking and
drinking rituals. Then, when everyone’s about to pass out, one of the
Men unveils his Oracle of the Gods¹⁰ and calls the Vermont
Fish and Game Department to find out when Free Fishing Day is.

Treasurer’s Report

I am pleased to announce that the financial situation of Man Weekend’s
corporate arm, ManWeeCo, is better than ever! Income from the
sale of Man Weekend 2004 movie rights and product licensing, and the
fees received for the stress testing of high-temperature mortar totaled
$172,500.00. Under the direction of Gilbert and Scott over the winter
our assets nearly doubled to $331,250.00 and after the last of Man
Weekend 2004′s beer bills were paid our account contained $9.35 which
is 200% increase from the $3.12 of a year ago! Gilbert and Scott are
looking into creating a subsidiary, ManWeeCayman, to shield our
hard-earned profits from confiscatory taxes. We are soliciting
volunteers willing to take a investigatory business trip.

Attendance Policy

The Pinhead¹¹ would like to reiterate the attendance star
policy. If you bring your official Man Weekend Hat to Man Weekend it
will be updated to reflect the total number of years you’ve attended
Man Weekend. Or, to put it another way, if you forget your hat one
year, you’ll get two stars the next year. Attendance is defined to be
setting foot on Camp Randolph property sometime between Thursday and
Sunday of Man Weekend inclusive and, since no records are kept, we
rely on your honor¹² to keep count of your years.

During Man Weekend 2005 the returning Founders will be sporting a
silver five-year star and two copper one-year stars.

Footnotes

1. This is for you illiterates who are having this read to you.
2. No, not gifts, you greedy bastard.
3. Your name appears on a Camp Randolph stock certificate.
4. Beggars and wannabes.
5. A Man Weekend Founder.
6. Johnny-come-lately’s.
7. Beer, fishing, and classic movies.⁸
8. I swear, I think more time was spent last year watching classic
   movies than out on the lake. 
9. Those of Noble Quality.
10. Cell phone.
11. Richard would really rather be known as The Mad Hatter but
    realizes the total futility of that. 
12. Ha ha ha ha ha!